Sunshine in my mind but not outside!

Today is an ugly day outside; gloomy, wet, looks like it's going to rain BUT I am in a happy mood for the first time this week!!

Why you are wondering? You're going to think I'm dumb but it's because I feel like I look cute!! Told you it was dumb!! :)

All winter long I've been wearing pants and sweaters - for two reasons: 1. It's always freezing in my office and 2. None of my skirts fit - yup, sad isn't it!

At Christmas time I purchased a clearance outfit with the thought process of "I'll wear when I lose weight". I had a baby shower to go last Saturday; was looking thru my closet and came across it. I tried it on not thinking it would look good BUT low and behold it did!! I felt young and cute while at the shower.....which is good since I'm child free by choice (that is a hard concept for many to understand) so looking nice helps me feel confident!! I did laundry on Sunday so I could wear it again this week!! Yeah me!!

I am also happy because it seems as if the male half of the couple I mentioned earlier this week is planning on being my friend still. While I realize that things maybe be different (maybe forever or maybe while healing takes place from the couple's fight this weekend) its much better than the feeling I've had since the weekend which was I'd lost both of them this weekend. I'm hoping the wife of the couple will realize that I am indeed a nice person and and we can again work on our friendship. Is that lame? Maybe a little bit considering the situation but I guess I'm a little....I don't know....needy, dorky, people pleaser? I think it stems from a part of my childhood when I tried so hard to fit in only to be turned away again and again. People should like me dam it!!

Okay that is all.

Peace!

So annoyed

My weight went up - 162.4.

So annoyed. I seriously need a vacation from everything and everyone......well almost everyone.

Weighing in

Scale today - 161.4

Ran yesterday!

Baby steps

Friend today, gone tomorrow

As an adult I haven't really experienced a death of a friendship. I've lost contact with people over time but it was due to life - schedules, marriages, moving, babies, etc. This weekend & yesterday I found out that someone who I really enjoyed spending time with actually has issues with me. It turns out I'm not allowed to have conversations with her husband (we hang out with these people as a group - lots of couples, some singeltons (I love that phrase from Briget Jones) only her. The thing is; I viewed both of them as good friends and it hurts. Obviously it doesn't hurt her as she didn't value our friendship anyways (or what I thought was a friendship). The thing is, I don't think it's females in general that shouldn't talk to her husband, I think it's just me. I'm married, my husband and I have a great relationship. She's younger, has a great job, she's very pretty - I can't see how I would be a threat to her (or anyone for that matter - LOL).

Frankly I find this odd. I've always been a person who likes to talk to everyone in a social group - women, men, kids, married, single, old, young. You can learn things and enjoy yourself. For example; I had the best time at a Halloween party running door to door with one of my friend's young daughters as she walked with the rest of the group and her youngest child. My old room mates parents would come to stay with us and I loved sitting in the living room chatting away with them. I have great friends at my office who are male. I just don't get it.

What really sucks is that most likely I will see this person in the group setting, and I'll have to be nice to her as I've always been (because otherwise everyone else will know something is up and I don't want to cause anymore drama).

I guess the friendship I thought I had never was.

Can you have a funeral for a friendship that only existed on your side?

Why does this feel like this person took her ball and went home and I'm still standing there waiting for her to throw the ball.