158.8

is what the scale said today. Can't believe I typed that out; evil scale. I know it's not the scales fault; it's my fault for eating when I'm bored, stressed, worried.

Food is the worst habit to change. It's not like smoking; you don't have to smoke. You have to eat!

I bought some juice (can't remember what it's called; think it's a V-8 type) anyways it says its two serving of fruit/vegetables in one 8 oz glass. So each morning I drink that with my vitamin! That is two good things in 5 minutes. Yeah for me.

I found a blog that I like and can relate to - from 12 to 6 http://twelvetosix.blogspot.com/.

I am following in her footsteps and trying to change one thing at a time. My first thing - take my vitamin every morning. I have two days under my belt!!

I also want to start running again; its a sport I can do AND enjoy. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

I'll share a secret with you - I want to fit into my wedding dress again. My wedding photographer didn't take any pictures of me standing alone in my dress!!! I want to fit into it, put it on, and have some pictures taken.....dorky I know but it's what I want to do!! I had it cleaned a long time ago; it just hangs in the spare room - silently mocking me.

So I've shared my weight with you and my secret.....

So.....

instead of losing, I've gained. Yup, it's true. The worst part, there's a party I would love to go to; a high school friend is throwing it, but I won't go because I don't want to be the "girl that got fat"!! Sad, I know.

I did run the past two days, and I feel good about that. But I ate Burger King on the way to school, and then potato chips when I got home.

Chicago is cute. That's what I keep telling myself, I want to look cute in Chicago. I want cute pictures from vacation for once. Every picture of me since I've gotten married I look, well FAT!

I always tell myself - well you're not as fat as this person, or that person (yes I know that's not nice but I don't say out loud) but truth be told, I am a WAY fatter version of me that I have ever been. It's not healthy, it's not attractive, and it needs to change. NOW!

It's official

I'm fat. Yup, it's true. I looked at my wedding picture on my desk yesterday, compared it to my school ID. OMG - I have a lot more face than I did, 3 1/2 years ago. I can't deny it.

The worst part - there is absolutely no reason for my large amount of weight gain. I haven't had a baby, experienced a life changing event. Nope, it's just because I like to eat - a lot.

I snack late night. I eat when I'm not hungry because I'm bored. It's my own fault. Kind of depressing to know that I am responsible for something that makes me sad when I look in the mirror.

Why did I do this?

Hmmm...well

Lent results:

Cookies = zero

Candy = zero

Drive thru trips.....well. I guess that is going to be the hardest one for me! It's almost like the Tim Horton's drive thru has a magnet that turns my car into it! Sad I know.

I will go with the AA thought process - one day at a time. Tomorrow I will not hit a drive-thru. I can't say anything about the next day BUT tomorrow I will not!!!

I've been fairly stressed about this paper for school, it's been consuming my life. I suck at writing papers; probably because I HATE IT!!!! AHHHHHHHH

It is due tomorrow and I might possibly be awake all night working on it. I realize it is my own fault BUT I will whine about it anyways.

So after school I will hit the gym!! I miss it.

A little nice husband story - he told me that even though I may not see myself as pretty right now, he does. It was nice to hear (even if it's not true!! LOL).

Lent

I went to the gym yesterday! Yeah me!

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday; these are my Lent promises this year:

No food from places that have a drive-thru

No cookies (a major weakness of mine)

No candy (2nd weakness after cookies)

OH - and only one Panera bagel a week!

This will be a looooooong 40 days!!

Amazing what starting a blog can do for you

I am so motivated to become a more fit and confident version of me!! I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I hide in big sweaters and sweatshirts and tell myself it's okay.

I don't want to be the couple who people look at and think "what is that really fit guy doing with chunky butt?"

Today

Today I will work out.

Today I will make wise food choices.

Today I will appreciate life.

Today I realize that good health is precious, and a shorter life can result when you ignore health issues you would rather not deal with.

Today I honor my friend, who did not have health on his side, and who's life was cut way too short because it.

RIP - James Long, I will miss you.